Mama Status

Four weeks after the delivery of Gus, I thought I'd turn the focus on his mama for this post. How am I faring? Quite well, overall. I was actually feeling much myself a couple of weeks after his delivery, when I took the first post-Gus ride on my speedy green bike. It felt wonderful and a bit freaky to be moving so fast on the road again. And I could only think of my child back home being cared for by dad, and how empty I suddenly felt without the little guy. The same feeling hit me a few days prior, when I headed out on a walk and was called by Josh. Gus was crying in the background and Josh had an urgent tone. The kid needed something that Josh could not provide. And now that we are in Minnesota with my folks, Josh and I both are able to head out on bike again, but I dare not go much beyond an hour until I have some reserve milk supply for the caregiver.
Every once in a while it really sinks in that we now have a son. When I walk past a mirror holding the little guy, I have to take a second glance at the person holding the babe... Yep, that's me, and that's my kid. When he is crying almighty, Josh and I cannot give him back to someone else and have them deal with it.
Eating meals is different. Sometimes I have breakfast at 7 am, sometimes I am lucky if this happens by 10 am. And when I do eat, I am often doing so while holding the babe, or am quickly shoveling the food in so I can take my shift. Showers are overrated. My clothes now carry a milky scent. I am learning to sleep in a more upright position as I cradle Gus on my chest. I am not so alarmed as he cries and holds his breath, letting us know how very angry he is. And I nearly melted yesterday as he appeared to truly look into my eyes for the first time as I lay on the floor beside him.